miércoles, 22 de diciembre de 2010

My trace

Bueeeeeeno hace demasiado tiempo que no escribía nada en mi blog jajaj
¿Qué puedo decir? Mi vida últimamente ha estado bastante bien. Hoy festeje el cumpleaños de un amigo y la pase muyyyyyy bien :D conocí mucha gente nueva. Necesitaba esto. relajarme, aislarme de mis amigos de siempre...


Son vacaciones y no puedo esperar para ponerme a escribir ya leer! Hay tantas cosas que me gustaría hacer en estas vacaciones y es por eso que no deseo desperdiciarlas. Quiero volver a escribir y me refiero a escribir MUCHO!!


Mi cita del día tiene que ver con eso, con mi deseo de continuar escribiendo.

A poet must leave traces of his passage, not proof.

Rene Char


Es verdad no creen? No tendría por qué dejar prueba de mi existencia... no necesito probar que existí sino simplemente dejar muestras de ello. Como explicarlo? Como poeta, como escritora, no tengo que preocuparme porque alguien sepa que existí o no, solo necesito que vean quién fui.Yo soy alguien y eso nadie puede cambiarlo. Mi existencia afecto la de otra persona y eso es prueba, lo que yo mas deseo es que no solo validen mi existencia sino que me conozcan como soy. Las biografías son muy generales y no muestran la personalidad del autor, es su obra la que va a determinar el valor de su existencia, la personalidad de la persona. Acaso no se sienten mas atraídos hacia aquel autor que toco su corazón que hacia aquel que todos recomiendan? Muchos son los que dicen que se debe leer a Shakespeare pero pocos son los que realmente e sienten movidos por sus obras, que las entienden. No discuto la grandeza de Sh pero en mi vida hubo dos autores que, si bien no eran conocidos, dejaron en mi una huella de su existencia.

Eso quiero hacer de hoy en adelante, me asegurare de dejar mi huella en el mundo, en las personas, en mis libros.

martes, 17 de agosto de 2010

THE POWER OF LOVE

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVc2vTB-EQU

no he podido dejar de escuchar esta cancion y sinceramente AMO las expresiones que pone celine en este video (L)>

enjoy it :) hope that as much as I do

miércoles, 11 de agosto de 2010

Lost. Fears. Death.




Bueno, no cumpli.... entre mi amiga que esta mal proque corto con el novio y mi familia:S
De hecho sobre eso queria hablar.... Tengo miedo. En estos ultimos dias creo que el miedo ha sido mi mas garnde pensamiento. He descubierto en estos dias de largo y arduo descubrimiento interno, cuales son mis 3 mayores temores.... LA SOLEDAD, LA MUERTE Y EL FRACASO.

Les temo horriblemente. Sin embargo la muerte tambien la veo como una amiga ultimamente.... lo cual me asusta. He llegado inlcuso a buscar formas de matarse sin dolor en google. temo.... temo que.... NO, no podria ser capaz de suicidarme porque se...se que con mi muerte vendrian la de mi padre y mi madre. Estoy SEGURA que alguno moriria de dolor o ataque al corazon.... y no exagero, estoy siendo sincera. La cantidad de veces que elabore la situacion en mi cabeza son infinitas.... y dia tras dia veo a mis padres pensando en como reaccionarian en ella:S

Mi frase del dia proviene de algo que mi mejor amiga dijo: "Me siento perdida.
Viste cuando ves al techo y no sabes que hacer? como... no se que quiero comer, no se si QUIERO comer. No se si ir a mi cuarto, al living, a la cocina.... no se, ya no se."

No podria estar mas en lo cierto :S YA-NO-SE. Me atormenta tanto la idea de seguir viviendo como la de no hacerlo que ya no se que hacer. Mi novio es la unica felicidad que encuentro hoy en dia. ya nisiquiera mis amigas llenan este vacio de vida que tengo adentro. Temo que llegue el fin de la vida de mis padres y no haber sido capaz decompartir el debido tiempo con ellos:( Me odio pro estar en esta edad PELOTUDA que em hace odiar a mis padres por ningun motivo ¬¬ NO ES JUSTO PARA ELLOS. Me odio cada vez que me enojo con mi mama porque se que no tengo motivos para hacerlo.

Quiero no se ser capaz de vivir una vida con otras preocupaciones y no estas:S Ultimamente siento quemis padres reenq ue fracasaron como padres.... sienten que no me dan todo lo que necesito. Hay problemas economicos en casa y estoy segura que papa(porque mama directamente me lo dice a la cara todo
esto) esta preocupado , siente que yo stoy sufriendo su fracaso :S DIOS!! PARECIERA UNA BROMA TODO ESTO!! :.(


SE que hay gente en este mundoq ue sfre mas que yo y bla bla peor la cosa es .... que yo no soy esas personas y no sufro lo que ellos sufren. Sin embargo, sufro esto... y ESTO me es suficiente para dolerme inmensamente:(

sábado, 17 de julio de 2010

Walk with me


Day with obstacles...
To start with I didn't meet my friend, the one I had to talk to, so in a way I'm happy to not had to enconter that today. I just recieved a call from my best friend telling me her BF asked her for some time:S
She said something that particularly made me suffer.... she said: Que acaso esto es lo maximoq ue pueden amarme? 4 meses?.... well you know, the maximum I've been loved by someone was 2-3 weeks... yeah, deppressing right? I know. So I'm kind of afraid of my new relationship.... so I think I don't want my heart to get so attached to him:S Maybe things are going way too fast... who knows?..

I just had a talked with my mom on how I felt about her, as a mother who is already past the 60'.
Well I'm sad cause she might leave me any moment now but I trully TRULLY like the way she raised me up, in fact, I told her the truth, I told her I want to raise my children as she did with me:D You know.... I love who I am. Yeah i do have flaws and A LOT too but that doesn't matter I like the way I see this world, the way I treat people, the way i feel and enjoy life. Everything of this is tahnks to teh way i was raised and I wouldn't change it for nothing in this whole world!!

soo the phrase of the day is from Fushigi Yugi Ova 1: "We must know ourselves, then believe in ourselves and in that way we'll be able to overcome ourselves."

When i heard this phrase I was shocked. It is so true. The steps are in perfect order and sense. This simple phrase from an anime made me reflect on soo many things today and I know It will remain in my head for years. I trully like it. I hope it will help you see the world and, more importantly, yourself the way it helped me:)

I could keep on writting and in reality there's nothing that would make me happier... but my friend needs me tomorrow morning so I must have some sleep.


viernes, 16 de julio de 2010

Eight days a week


Hi people:D I can't get this song outta my head: Eight days a week. It is my BF's fault for singing it to me :P

either way, here's today quote:

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin

Tomorrow I'll have to faced a friend and tell him I'm no longer interested in keeping our false friendship going on....

sooo wish me luck.

emmm I'm listening to Jason Mraz-Live High(L)

Gues I won't be able to write tonight... hope this will change.

love ya

jueves, 15 de julio de 2010

A new beginning... =)

Bueno que puedo decir? jaja estoy de novia:P ironias de la vida jaja

Tuve la idea de querer subir una frase que me guste todos los dias..... asi que mi frase del dia es:

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination." Goodman

Digamos que me pelie con unos amigos y este ultimo mes fue un mes de reflexion. Es por eso que hoy quiero recordarme a mi misma que no tengo que pensar todas las cosas a a futuro sino que tengo que recordar ser feliz cada dia:D

espero y les haya gustado mi frase del dia jeje
love ya

miércoles, 3 de marzo de 2010

New changes, old wounds



School starts again and I'm SURE this'll be a GREAT year!! It is a year of changes and I mean good changes. For the first time in my life I was able to decorate my diary in time for school jaajja and I like it:P


In fact I would love to say that this entry is about how happy I am with this new year, which I really am, but it's not. I'm completely and absolutly debastated with, well you already might be able to guess, yeah, that's right, with love.
Not a new love but this unsuccessfully unrequited love of mines. It's bodering me again. I don't even see him now but I feel his presence in each of the school's corridors, in each class, everywhere. What's more, and harder for me to stand, is that I thought I was ready to forget him (and I am) but my best friend has become like a sister with him. They send EVERY DAY a message and then she tells me. I KNOW that's not her intentions. Of course I do get that but it still hurts.......a lot:( cause even if I want to forget about him I still envy her for being able to speak with him, to be as we once were. I envy her for being able to do what I can't, to be the person I most want to become to him. I would give EVERYTHING to return to that time...
It's SOO unfair... I mean I told him from the start I didn't want to lose him as a friend and that that was why I didin't want to tell him my feelings. But of course he HAD TO insist that I would gain something mor important. Well, here I am, and I don't see that SOMETHING neither I see my old friend:(

Well it's just a feeling taht will sometime fade, but his friendship has already vanished, at least the one I once met and the one I want. Did things really had to happen this way?? Couldn't they just stay as they were and (even though I do loved each of every memories) couldn't we have hide our feelings?? NO I wouldn't like that.... ARGGGG. I'm tired of this... WHO CARES?? I LOST HIM. HE WON'T COME BACK TO ME! SO WHY DOES HE HAVE TO KEEP HURTING ME!??!¬¬

I know I must have said it before people: love SUCKS!!

sincerely a foolish girl....

lunes, 22 de febrero de 2010

Nervous...


Okey I'm back. Poeple this holidays (except for my trip) SUCKED!! I mean I've been studying since the 1º of Feb. Now in 7 days I'm giving this exam and I'm TOTALLY nervous!! REALLY. I can't sleep well. I don't even feel well(I mean my health). I'm completely afraid of doing wrong! I mean, this won't be the end if I do wrong but... IT'S JUST NOT ME! I'm not the kind of girl who has to give maths in march. I'm not like that. Ok this entry is rather short but I just needed to take out my stress and this was the first thing it came to my mindXD
ok I just hope that you won't need to give any subject in march and that your holidays were better than mines... sooo, WISH ME LUCK!!

viernes, 19 de febrero de 2010

My perspective in love sucks


You know love surely is tough... more than that, it is a huge burden! I loved him... God knows I've never felt like that before. Not once. For anyone. God also knew that that love was just going to be a burden for me, for him, for our firends, in other words it just wasn't going to work. Still I loved him, no, I love him. It is just so unfair that I am the only one feeling this way. Feeling like an idiot, feeling it was only me who ever felt something between us. The stupid girl who fall in love with her best friend. JA how ironic. However, in my case, this story didn't have a happy ending. Yeah it hurts. My most romantic memories are from him. I remember him at least twice a day while he might only think of me when he sees me online, but he never speaks to me. In fact when was teh last time we spoke? yeah we saw each other this hollidays but after that any possible existence of dialogue dispeared. It just vanished. With time I'll find someone else and for him it will even sooner I guess. While fo him I'll just be someone he once dated, maybe more, a friend, for me he'll be the first guy I trully loved. Once again people: WHO CARES? No one's going to die cause this love story didn't work, in fact time will erase any little proove of it's existence.
So I'm not writing this to get my anger out. I'm not writing this cause I'm way too sad. I'm writing this so that this important love I'm feeling right now will at least have one existing proofe I'll be able to lay my feelings back, to remeber it. You, yeah you who provoked me this fucking feeling....... THANK YOU(L) really. Yeah I know you won't change you mind (you might not even read this) but nevertheless you made me understand what I want in a guy, what it is to feel this for someone, for better or for worst. Just thanks, I love you and goodbye.
Yeah goodbye, cause I couldn't change your feeling in time. Cause you'll only remeber me as one of the amount. And mostly cause you didn't want to give me your heart.
So people love SUCKS it surely does, and this fact won't change. EVER. What it can change is people's hearts. I no longer lie to myself. I still love him and for awhile this feeling won't let me feel something for others, but today, feeling completly dumped, I can shout to the world that I won't let me fall into dispair, I won't let me feel unloved, and I definitly won't stay stuck in this space and time.

So, just thanks and hope we'll be able to restart sometime.

miércoles, 17 de febrero de 2010

HI PEOPLE:D


Okey this is just my very first time writing an entry sooo... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO WIRTE?!?! jajaja
as I couldn't find anything to say right now I'll just copy one of my poems and hope you'll enjoy it:D
oh, yeah I write poems, I want to become a writer in the future.... but for the moment I just write poems:P

I wrote this poem quite a long time ago(year and a half) but I still like it soo here it is:

Fin del Ocaso


¿Cuándo irá una sonrisa a explicar,

Aquella verdad que intenta ocultar?

¿Cuándo podrán mis ojos ver,

La razón por la cual me dejo cegar?

Sé lo que tengo que hacer,

Sé también lo que debo creer.

Lo que no sé es porqué, mi corazón no lo quiere intentar.

¿Qué método debería usar

Para que estos pies puedan avanzar?

Dios, deja que este sea el primer paso

Y que mi sueño no termine con el ocaso.