Present agony, future experience

So... not four months this time. Where should I start? Please take note that inspite of what I'm about to tell you you'll read my previous entry.... my thoughts about love are still the same. Well, the thing is I broke up with my boyfriend last friday. I was the one that decided it was time to move on and he agreed with me. We did love each other with all our hearts but after he first year passed our feelings started to flew in different directions. We needed each other last year cause having him gave me the strengh to start being myself, to start loving me. So did my presence did to him. So we are fine cause we both understand this must happen. So no, I'm not sad, and yes, movie stuff do happen in reality jajaja.
Other than that my heart's been wavering towards someone else and that is what's been tormenting me. I kow it's too soon to go out with someone else but I just can not escape from him, I don't WANT to stop dating him. So this is my quest, deciding what to do with my past love, handling stuff at home with my mom, and deciding wether to go out with this new man and if so how to tell my ex boyfriend.
I've broken one of my most important rule tonight and that is never crying alone in silence, I´ve done it so much in the past that I hate myself for cracking tonight and breaking my own rule.
I´not sure I've got any quote for you today.... I just really need to take it all out of my chest.


What are the rules in love? How come I'm feeling such a strong need to recieve the love and caring from others that I expect others to sympathise with me due to my current situation?


It's been so long ago since I las wrote aything... have I lost my spirit? 




Such a depressing day do now describe me... remember that! I might be sad I KNOW I can smile again.


Once again thanks for reading and for staying with me and my personal and recently depressing stories.
Write again soon I hope...
Bye

Dreams, not reality

It is funny how I always come back at least 4 months later jajaj

So many things have changed in my life. I have a boyfriend now (well I also did last time) but it's been a year since he asked me to be his gf:D Amazingly the typical adivce of "It will come when you are not expecting it" couldn't be more right jajaj I've fallen in love with a man which I'm sure we'll be together with me for life (no kidding).

What else? I'm finishing school, not quite good with the exams actually :S

I've written but not so much. However, I did write a poem which I'm very proud of . YEY jeje but of course I do not want to copy it here cause who knows who could copy it. Either way I'm on allert of any new contest to present it jeje

My only wish all these past months has been only one: To start university.

I don't really have any quote of the day, sory. But I guess I needed to write things down just for the fun of doing it.

Oh but I do have soemthing I want to express. It's been more than 2 months since a friend of mine told me that my dreams ment that I was trying to escape reality through them and since then I couldn't forget about that idea. The worst part is I think is correct. i do try to escape reality, that's why I love so muych my incredibly random and wierd dreams jajaja they're awsome and thyis doesn't mean I do not want to have any longer cause I believe they are of great inspiration for my writting but I haven't realized before how much my whole mind wishes to run away... Life surely IS hard but I do not regret living it I just feel that I can no longer stand school, that I need to start doing what I want. Once again, reality is that that has nothing to do with school.... but is my lazy attitude that stops me.

Well, really needed to write :)

Next time I promise I'll be back with an insteresting quote ;)

Love

I've learned

I found this poem. Since it’s the start of a new year, I felt very reflective. This poem actually made me tear up a little. It just got me thinking about all that I’ve loved, lost, gained, and cherished. I’ve tried to find some info on the poet but no luck so far. But, here it is. I hope you enjoy.

I’ve Learned

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
And it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love and be loved.
I’ve learned…

Omer B. Washington

My trace

Bueeeeeeno hace demasiado tiempo que no escribía nada en mi blog jajaj
¿Qué puedo decir? Mi vida últimamente ha estado bastante bien. Hoy festeje el cumpleaños de un amigo y la pase muyyyyyy bien :D conocí mucha gente nueva. Necesitaba esto. relajarme, aislarme de mis amigos de siempre...

Son vacaciones y no puedo esperar para ponerme a escribir ya leer! Hay tantas cosas que me gustaría hacer en estas vacaciones y es por eso que no deseo desperdiciarlas. Quiero volver a escribir y me refiero a escribir MUCHO!!

Mi cita del día tiene que ver con eso, con mi deseo de continuar escribiendo.

A poet must leave traces of his passage, not proof.

Rene Char

Es verdad no creen? No tendría por qué dejar prueba de mi existencia... no necesito probar que existí sino simplemente dejar muestras de ello. Como explicarlo? Como poeta, como escritora, no tengo que preocuparme porque alguien sepa que existí o no, solo necesito que vean quién fui.Yo soy alguien y eso nadie puede cambiarlo. Mi existencia afecto la de otra persona y eso es prueba, lo que yo mas deseo es que no solo validen mi existencia sino que me conozcan como soy. Las biografías son muy generales y no muestran la personalidad del autor, es su obra la que va a determinar el valor de su existencia, la personalidad de la persona. Acaso no se sienten mas atraídos hacia aquel autor que toco su corazón que hacia aquel que todos recomiendan? Muchos son los que dicen que se debe leer a Shakespeare pero pocos son los que realmente e sienten movidos por sus obras, que las entienden. No discuto la grandeza de Sh pero en mi vida hubo dos autores que, si bien no eran conocidos, dejaron en mi una huella de su existencia.

Eso quiero hacer de hoy en adelante, me asegurare de dejar mi huella en el mundo, en las personas, en mis libros.

THE POWER OF LOVE

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVc2vTB-EQU

no he podido dejar de escuchar esta cancion y sinceramente AMO las expresiones que pone celine en este video (L)>

enjoy it :) hope that as much as I do

Lost. Fears. Death.

Bueno, no cumpli.... entre mi amiga que esta mal proque corto con el novio y mi familia:S

De hecho sobre eso queria hablar.... Tengo miedo. En estos ultimos dias creo que el miedo ha sido mi mas garnde pensamiento. He descubierto en estos dias de largo y arduo descubrimiento interno, cuales son mis 3 mayores temores.... LA SOLEDAD, LA MUERTE Y EL FRACASO.

Les temo horriblemente. Sin embargo la muerte tambien la veo como una amiga ultimamente.... lo cual me asusta. He llegado inlcuso a buscar formas de matarse sin dolor en google. temo.... temo que.... NO, no podria ser capaz de suicidarme porque se...se que con mi muerte vendrian la de mi padre y mi madre. Estoy SEGURA que alguno moriria de dolor o ataque al corazon.... y no exagero, estoy siendo sincera. La cantidad de veces que elabore la situacion en mi cabeza son infinitas.... y dia tras dia veo a mis padres pensando en como reaccionarian en ella:S

Mi frase del dia proviene de algo que mi mejor amiga dijo: "Me siento perdida.

Viste cuando ves al techo y no sabes que hacer? como... no se que quiero comer, no se si QUIERO comer. No se si ir a mi cuarto, al living, a la cocina.... no se, ya no se."

No podria estar mas en lo cierto :S YA-NO-SE. Me atormenta tanto la idea de seguir viviendo como la de no hacerlo que ya no se que hacer. Mi novio es la unica felicidad que encuentro hoy en dia. ya nisiquiera mis amigas llenan este vacio de vida que tengo adentro. Temo que llegue el fin de la vida de mis padres y no haber sido capaz decompartir el debido tiempo con ellos:( Me odio pro estar en esta edad PELOTUDA que em hace odiar a mis padres por ningun motivo ¬¬ NO ES JUSTO PARA ELLOS. Me odio cada vez que me enojo con mi mama porque se que no tengo motivos para hacerlo.

Quiero no se ser capaz de vivir una vida con otras preocupaciones y no estas:S Ultimamente siento quemis padres reenq ue fracasaron como padres.... sienten que no me dan todo lo que necesito. Hay problemas economicos en casa y estoy segura que papa(porque mama directamente me lo dice a la cara todo

esto) esta preocupado , siente que yo stoy sufriendo su fracaso :S DIOS!! PARECIERA UNA BROMA TODO ESTO!! :.(

SE que hay gente en este mundoq ue sfre mas que yo y bla bla peor la cosa es .... que yo no soy esas personas y no sufro lo que ellos sufren. Sin embargo, sufro esto... y ESTO me es suficiente para dolerme inmensamente:(